I see more and more people come to the “SoMe table” and openly express their political views, and I’m stoked about it at its core. Because we need to be willing to talk more about it. I believe that when we start to speak and listen with an open heart and mind, we tend to quickly realize we’re much more alike than we often think. Most of us want the best for our families, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. We want to live good lives on our terms. Some of us focus a bit more on stability and others on opportunity. I don’t think that makes us inherently different; I believe it just means we’re at two different points in the same cycle.
If you’re born without stability, that’s what you will create for yourself, your family, and your community. If you’re born into a stable environment with a solid foundation, you’re gonna want opportunities and freedom to leap off the strong foundation you were gifted with.
This is my life—I was born into a world my parents had worked tirelessly to create for me and my siblings. We weren’t rich by any means, but we had more than we needed, and as kids, we were never exposed to a lack of anything. My parents didn’t grow up like that, so they fought and sacrificed a lot to make that our reality. To give us a better foundation than they had. Now, watch me grow up and choose an opposite mental model to my parents. I actively decided to avoid higher education. I took all the time I needed to find a direction I was excited about. I’m highly risk-tolerant and betting on myself above anything else. It took a long time for my parents to accept the idea that I didn’t see these educational opportunities as must-haves. I evaluated them equally to all the other opportunities in the world around me because, to be frank, it felt like I had endless opportunities to a degree where it was almost overwhelming to choose. So, I knew I didn’t want to settle or follow the crowd. I wanted to take all the time I needed to double down on something that felt right for me. Something that honored the gift I’d been given.
In contrast, my dad sacrificed his childhood dream of becoming a carpenter in his teens. His dad only knew of a plumber, so that was basically his only apprentice opportunity, and he was grateful to have it. He wielded that opportunity into a life he is proud of and created the circumstances for his kids that he wished he had had himself.
While it was difficult for my parents to accept that I was not at all interested in building stability and “something to fall back on” in the traditional sense, I believe we’ve realized that we’re not different at the core. We were merely dealt different hands in life, and with a different hand comes a different strategy. It would be nonsense for me to chase stability and a safety net, which is something I already have. Growth is moving forward. It is doing better with what you have. And that is something I believe we all are connected to at our core. Doing better with what we have, regardless of what we have.
And so, when we’re beginning to have a more open relationship to talking politics on social media and in general, I’m trying to remember that we’re not that different at heart. We’re just playing the different hands we were dealt. We all have the best intentions, and we sometimes foolishly believe that what is in our best interest is in everyone’s best interest, forgetting we have been dealt different hands. Disagreeing about a specific strategy doesn’t mean we are not aligned as people. We can be friends, still.
I believe we would all become clearer about our actual beliefs if we allowed ourselves to listen to and have civilized discussions with people who don’t share them. If we acknowledge that most of us are quick to form strong beliefs about things, we don’t know the details—and complicated matters of. Whether it’s the media or someone we know who impacts our beliefs, we need to allow ourselves not only to have strong beliefs but also to hold them loosely.
It’s a character strength to be able to change your opinion if new and challenging information emerges. It’s how we grow as individuals, too. Once, you didn’t believe you couldn’t ride a bike. Then someone showed you. Picked you up a hundred times. Cheered you on. And now you bike without thinking about it. Your belief changed. It’s possible. We have to be open to the fact that a belief is a temporary position that is subject to change. A belief is not our personality. It’s separate from that. We don’t loose anything from changing our beliefs, we only gain knowledge, understanding and compassion. We become more nuanced as individuals. We slowly realize that not everything is black and white. In fact, very few things are.
Most answers lie somewhere in between. It’s like a pendulum swinging from side to side. For some reason, we are all biased in not acknowledging 80% of what is happening in the middle. And I think we’d be much better off if we started our conversations there in the middle, where we realize that we agree on the vast amount of things. Then, when we feel heard and acknowledged and have built trust, we can get into the spicy topics because we need to have those conversations, too. But if we jump straight to them, we end up shouting before we know of it, and we can’t listen when we shout. Then, a perfect opportunity for creating compassion, understanding, and knowledge is lost. It’s lost to radicalism. To enforce the idea that we are different at our core. That some people are 100% bad and others are 100% good. We get lost in our echo chamber, and for some reason, it feels like a victory for both parties because they didn’t give into that nonsense that fool was saying. SoMe algorithms amplify this effect, and if we don’t proactively do something to take back our ability to have civil disagreements without starting wars, we’re fucked in so many ways.
Maybe it’s time to part with the idea of being politically incorrect, with cancel-culture, with the fear of having unpopular opinions, and with the need to convince everyone that your belief is best.
Maybe it’s time to start listening before we’re talking.
To start understanding before “knowing.”
To find our common ground.
I’ll make an effort to put down my sword and bring forth my hugs - if you meet me, I hope you will, too.
If not, I’ll take your stab with my arms open and squeeze you until you regret it. 🫶
